samtam, magday, giacomazza - apple jacks♣
October 13, 2010 / 6:05 PM
[Pyramid, Charice.]
Basically had no school,
since I took the PSAT for half the day and the only full class I had was English.
that was pretty much a free block, since we didn't really do anything and ms.ullrich kept on talking about the essay contests and the short story assignments. I sat beside Shirvin (Noel was behind her, Christie was in front of me) so I was happy to be around those people. I just got pissed when Sam threw my highlighter at me, haha.
then afterschool I chilled with people in the cafe, and just ... talked. first it was about school, then we went deeper in the past (namely elementary). a lot of stuff came up .. stuff that I didn't want to believe but yeah - the rumors weren't lying this time. it's pretty unbelievable that all the things going on there could have happened to me. high school really IS the survival of the fittest, or else people will take advantage of you and walk on top. I'm really grateful that I came to LFA now. No kidding. and I can't believe there's even stuff about me going around .. haha. even the little things from elementary, like that crush I had on MB and those stupid lies people spread. its funny that people even thought we were going out; whatever. let them think that. and since we're not even talking anymore they can think we broke up too. it's so annoying how people think of these things and act like they really know you well, when all they're doing is making your life a mess and projecting just their view on it. they say they miss you and all the typical words you hear when they see you randomly, but after you leave they turn their backs and just spread stuff behind your back. why do people stoop so low just to do that? it's childish. i sound mean typing this, but some things that people tell you are so frustrating. ironically though, even if these people piss you off and you get annoyed with them and you don't communicate much - you still miss them. like I do now - I'm always missing those people whenever there's a group bonding activity going on, because they're second family to me. What a twist in tone. but yeah - this paragraph probably didn't make any sense so go on and skip ahead.
I forgot what I was going to type .. oh yeah. Besides that thing after school, I got to talk to Mandy (: woot hoot. Made me realize how much I missed talking to her <3
I'm kind of worried about our friendship. We don't talk much anymore, and we're both so busy with our own schedules and we don't even have any classes together. And maybe this is selfish but I feel like when I'm talking you're not really listening to me (like today in the cafe, you totally zoomed by). That actually is really selfish of me to say since we do talk whenever there's time, but always the typical conversation lingo. I was hoping we could bond over the retreat but that didn't even happen. When you told me you felt bad that we didn't get to hang during the retreat I felt bad about it too, but I just didn't want to think about it at that moment so I shrugged it off with a smile. I feel like there's this big distance between us. You're busy, and I'm busy - I just wish we could talk more. I'm actually sad typing this lol. The weird thing is, though, I've been feeling it's been like this since the end of last year, even before summer began. But I never brought it up because I just hoped for the best, and I didn't want this to drag us down. Or maybe it's just me. I know you have your friends and I have mine, but this never felt like a problem in the past years that I've known you. I'm going to stop going over this because I think if I continue I just might cry.
I'm tired. And I don't want to do anything.
But I have so much homework for tomorrow so I should plod ahead.