i am not okay♣
August 26, 2010 / 8:05 AM
I don't even know where to start.
I hate going home because I'm always getting yelled at.
I hate being compared to people you wish I would take after.
I hate being called names that wreck my self-confidence,
and make me feel I'm the worst daughter on this planet.
I hate how you're so much nicer to strangers than you are to your family.
I hate how you're always putting the blame on other people,
when you don't try doing anything about it yourself.
Nothing makes you happy. Besides those stereotypical things they say money can't buy.
If money could buy happiness, I wonder what the world would be like.
Would it be happy, or just fake-happy?
How are you supposed to know the actors/actresses from the people who treat life as the real deal?
Why put in so much effort into acting when it's easier to be yourself?
Feeling like a trapped bird in a cage that can only sing when the owner wishes it.
But for the rest of the time, Silence just roams around in circle.
Wanting to tell people but not knowing how to start,
or maybe it's just I'm afraid of what they're going to think of me.
Vulnerable, vulnerable, little girl.
You're the parent. You're supposed to be taking care of me.
Why is it that I feel so much older than you?
I try to smile, but all I can do is let the clouds roll in.
I almost lost faith in myself that I'm a good person.
I know I'm not. I know others would say the same.
But with you, I can't help but feel contrary to everything I live for.