CHRISTIE, I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT PICKING UP MY PHONE YESTERDAY.

I need to get back to a lot of people today.

Gah, I actually have to do stuff.

I slacked off last week because of the emotions running at home,

but now that the atmosphere seems slightly better I'm going to go at it again.

You can't stay down right after the fall forever.

I'm behind on everything, and school's going to start next week LOOOL.

hard to believe, harder to get into action for.

i bought new markers yesterday WEEEEEEE, can't wait to use them.

my brother was cleaning his room yesterday and he had a bunch of old school supplies he wanted to throw out, so i started lecturing him on the environment and the 3Rs when I noticed that all the stuff he was holding was flipping HALF-USED. i think i got half of my school stuff (dividers, folders, pens, pencils) in .. 5 minutes? i even found the perfect pencil case :D well, perfect for me, something that I was looking for. he and I still haven't finished our 3Rs discussion. chocolate fudge ice cream yesterday, yuuuuuuuuuuuuuum. add a couple of chocolate wafers and its chocolate heaven. compared to last week I'm in a much better mood, so now I think I'm ready to talk about what's been drumming my brain. I've been keeping things from people because I haven't get ready to talk about it, but now I am. I might be dropping some surprising news soon, or maybe I'll just skip that part and wait till the time is more appropriate. I realized I have to be honest with myself first if I'm going to come to terms with what I want, and that I'm not alone. cliche, but i cant help but feel like the cliched stuff just says things the straight and simple (alliteration!). running in circles again, I'm gonna stop and leave at that (for now).

below is draft for a letter I want to send but feel stupid for doing but since it's for Thing 1 & Thing 2 I'm going to do this because I'm supposed to be fearless, right? but I actually want to finish the list. update on things I've done:

I'm going to wing this draft and see where it gets me:

Dear ____________,

hope your summer's going well and nothing's been to boring

its weird typing this because we haven't talked/seen each other in a while

but yeah, just wanted to say that i miss talking to you

i know we're not as tight anymore

and that what i did last time most likely made you feel awkward

i didnt want to put you in that situation, but i unknowingly did.

i should have realized my actions were off.

i dont know what's running through your mind as you read this,

and i dont want to know either.

i dont blame you if you think me nuts or insane,

but i'm writing this because i feel like things were left hanging between us,

and if there's one thing i learned this year, its that you should do whatever you can to keep the relationships in your life - they're the most valuable gifts you'll ever receive. you came into my life as someone i didn't even know, and sometimes i wonder why you even stuck with me. you were my best friend, and one of the coolest people i know. Loool, my heart's thumping really hard, i must be running on adrenaline. to be really honest (i'm praying i'll have the guts to keep this sentence), i felt really empty without you when we weren't talking. hence, seeing you again last time shocked me. if you want to stop reading this and delete this you can, but thanks for making it this far. i'm about to end this letter soon and i'm trying to remember what i wanted to say, and i have it now: remember those poems you wrote for me? i stuck them in my journal, and i read them whenever i'm feeling down. oh, and i hope you havent stopped writing.

I'm not expecting a response (to be honest, I don't what to expect anymore),

but yeah ... if this weirded you out that wasn't the purpose of this.

i feel like there's an awkward silence thats going to come along soon,

so I'm going to end this. bye.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

hmmm... so the ending's rough, but I can fix that up later.

and I'm not going to sleep till I send this, TONIGHT.

tonight tonight TONIGHT.

T O N I G H T.

if i dont send it tonight then i'm going to have to do something unimpeachable, HAHA.

I can't postpone things anymore. I have to push myself to do it.

this feels like pep talk, yenno,

but typing this letter felt so.. GREAT. fantastic.

MY HEART FEELS LESS BURDENED, and is thumping steadily now.

and its' time for me to take a shower! (what a tangent)

i'm going to blog everyday this week,

whether it be short or long or mundane or lame.

the last week of summer is something to celebrate,

and i honestly can't wait to see you ladies next week!

much love <3