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July 9, 2010 / 6:44 AM

yesterday it was so hot I felt like melted butter
i was trying to read mrs.dalloway but i didn't get very far
not even opening all the windows helped
i wish i had bought ice cream last time we were at safeway
and if today's just as hot (or even hotter)
i'm going to run down to IGA and buy the ice cream on sale
i can't survive in the heat like this
which is contradictory to say, since i survived a summer in the east coast
and its even way, WAY hotter on that side of the continent
but i had ice cream everyday over at my aunt's place..
so yeah. there's a big difference. tehe.
LIGHTS is playing on the radio, woot. (february air)
lately the only thing that's been occupying my sketchbook has been dead, limpy flowers
yeah, completely depressing and mopey.
but it's my sketch streak this week,
so maybe it'll change next week.
i haven't been on the comp. much because i'm just too lazy to go on
though i should actually try going on
since all those fb notifications in my email box are starting to scare me :/
i'll just delete them and go on fb later
and i still need to write letters
and get a canvas to begin the project about him
i think i'm going to go along the themes of forgiveness, and letting go
for the past week my brother's been going to soccer camp at douglas park,
and they've been doing a lot of drills and stuff
he's made a lot of new friends.
i wish i signed up for some art courses now,
but it's too late to whine about that.
i should have started planning my summer in april,
when all the applications were being sent in. sigh.

i found this post on tumblr written by treehuggingarchitect - she's one of my favourite tumblr bloggers. i guess i'm posting it here because ... it speaks.

I have to get this out because it just hit me. Just now, 8 minutes into this movie I began watching to take my mind off of you, it finally hit me. And I have to keep the words coming to remind my breath to do the same. I have to tell you I love you so I don’t breakdown as I realize we’ll never have each other again. You’ve broken my heart in the past, but I’ve never felt heartache like this before. I think it could kill me.

I love you. I always have loved you and I always will love you. That’s why this hurts so much. I feel terrible and at times I feel guilty for causing you pain, and so I often have to remind myself of the things you did to hurt me just so I wont be tempted to take you back again. Things were alright while I was at the beach; my family kept me occupied, the waves washed away the pain, and I was doing well to keep my life together. But now, here I am, with nothing to do, and my idle thoughts go straight to you.

I cry. I cry so violently you would think I’ve been fatally wounded…I wish I had been. I don’t want to imagine a life without you in it. I don’t even want to think about what I’m going to have to do to get there. I’m not that strong. I can’t bare to watch as I tell you to go; I don’t think I’m able to do what I must to keep you away. But you need to, you need to stay away because I’ve never felt so awful, and I’ve never been so vulnerable. If you love me as you say you do, please let me be.

As I leave, you say you love me more than I love you, but that’s not true. You can’t say that after what you’ve done to me, you don’t understand. I love you with more of my heart than you would think is humanly possible. I’m doing this because I love you. Love sometimes just isn’t enough.

Forgive me.

i miss you guys.
i miss everyone.
i hope we'll see each other soon.