♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

I miss you,♣

May 25, 2010 / 11:10 PM

and I don't know what else to say after that.

You made me feel life was worth living for,
and no matter how ridiculous or stupid some of my ideas were,
you were always game for anything and gave it your full attention.
And staying up till midnight just to talk to you and another pal..
was the time of my life.
I'd rush home afterschool just to talk to you guys, and chill.
Because you guys weren't just my boys, but my older brothers.
Lame, to think it that way, but you guys did mean a lot to me.
Especially you, even now, but it's slowly and steadily fading.
Lol the oreos, they always got inserted into our conversations somehow.
Truth is, whenever I really, really wanted/needed to talk to you,
I chickened out.
Because the last time I sent you a text when I needed you,
you didn't even bother replying.
I don't know if my message even got to you.
I don't know what to think.
I was going to say I'm sorry I embarassed you in front of your mom,
but really, now I'm not.
I thought you were my best friend,
but apparently you're not.
It was my closed reality.
It isn't your fault, or mine.
Nothing happened.
Everything was going great, until summer came along.
I used to blame myself for not trying harder
to hang out with you and your friends then.
But now that I think about, friendship goes two ways.
I tried, you tried, and we both failed in the prospect of it.
Our converstaions slowly ceases till they became the usual
'hey whats up I'm fine' dialogue.
Over and over and over again.
The last time we chatted online, it was weird for me, but it felt great.
Then when I see you in person, it's like I've become a complete stranger.
I don't care who reads this.
And if by some lucky chance you're reading it, then...
Whatever. I'm not mad,
I'm not angry,
I'm not frustrated.
I'm just tired of feeling the same way everyday,
missing you when you're just not worth it.
People tell me that you've changed, and I didn't want to believe it.
But you know what? I think I do believe it.
Because the person I know who was my best friend,
would never go back on his promises, or avoid his own friends.
But things change; for the better, or for the worse.
There is so much, so, so, so much I've been wanting to tell you.
About school, life, funny moments, my Beefs, art, and the writing.
Hey, I hope you havent given up writing.
Because one thing that I would really, really hate, even be mad at,
would be the fact you stopped writing when you have a plethora of potential for it.
I'm not lying,
it's the truth.
You were amazing, phenomenal, and I hope you get that through your head.
Right now.. I'm feeling exhausted. In a good way.
I had a dream about you and me.
We were at school, and hanging out with friends and stuff.
But then we got into this heated argument,
or I confronted you, I think,
asking you why you changed. Or maybe it was the other way around.
Shoot, I can't properly remember the details of the dream anymore.
I only remember at the ending of the dream, we parted ways.
They say that when you dream about a person, they're thinking about you.
I don't think I can account to that.

I've started and written out so many letters to you,
it's hard to keep track.
But the first words they always start with, are-

I miss you.