♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

and so crap happens♣

May 27, 2010 / 6:33 PM

I feel like one of my best friends died.

I am currently in the state-of-shock-leading-to-who-knows-how-long-I'll-be-depressed-mode.

I feel lifeless.
blank.
quiet.
and a bit mad at my dad for not telling me in the car going home when he knew it the whole time. but it's useless to blame anyone or anything when it's my camera and my responsibility.

My camera is broken. My long-time, committed best friend I tagged along everywhere is now at rest. It's broken. broken, broken, broken. there's something wrong with the wiring inside and it can't read my memory cards. i dont even know what happened. my thoughts are currently jumbled up, confused, and upset. I'm upset. I even cried for a few seconds during dinner. My parents aren't going to get me another one. I dont even want to talk about it with my parents anymore because they're not exactly helping me feel better, just pointing fingers at me. Yeah, I deserve the blame, but don't point it to me in a way that makes me feel more stupider than before. Honestly, I don't even know what happened. I guess this is what it means to earn my wings and fly. It's broken. b-r-o-k-e-n. all I can do right now is stare at the computer screen, numb with .. shock. I know I said some inappropriate bits of language in front of my mom, but thats the least of my concerns at the moment.

I'm drowning.
At the moment I'm just giving up on school and going to procrastinate.
I can't deal with this. just not now.
I was so happy this morning.
now I'm on the other side of the spectrum.