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LIMing♣

April 2, 2010 / 3:44 PM

"There are sacrifices that you make for the ones you love,
there are sacrifices the ones you love make for you,
and then there are the sacrifices that you make for each other.
Hard as they may be."

I wish I could erase you from my memory.
That way when we do run into each other, it’ll all be new again.
But if this pain is temporary, then I'll take it.
At least I know I tried, I didn't quit or give up.
But if I ever see you again, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to make myself promise that I won't run and hide,
but just stay where I am,
and look you in the eye if we happen to glance the same way.

I feel alone. And I can't concentrate on anything.
It's like the silence is playing games on my brain.
I tried reading a book, studying math, drawing, and cleaning my room- nothing could hold my attention. I ended up just stopping halfway and staring at the pieces of paper before me. I'm feeling so impossible. I don't even feel like watching Batman. or TV. or even talking to people. just staying in this temporary bubble I formed around myself. It hurts inside. I hate acting like I'm happy when I'm not. Dad was wondering why I was so snappy but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. Yeah, I should let go. But it's easier said than done. Breakfast was macaroni and cheese, and I only half-enjoyed it. If I wrote a note to God, the only word I'd put in it would be: why? Why. I'm drowning in my own helplessness. I feel so pathetic. Incredible you're the only person who can make me feel this way. I miss our friendship- how many more times can I stress that? People are telling me it isn't worth it, but for some reason, everytime I agree with them the sinking feeling inside tells me that it isn't right. I cried over you while saying my poem. Quite embarassing, and sad. Because saying that poem brought back a flood of conversations, moments, words, all interrelated with the entire meaning. Paper remains blank to me.

I can't change what happened in the past,
can't skip through it, or ignore it.
I can only promise to make the future better.

Darling, we're a train wreck.

I miss you guys,
and it's only day one of the Easter break.