♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

Dear Boy,♣

April 11, 2010 / 6:57 PM

I promised I wouldn't cry but I'm close to it. And now my face is dripping wet stuff that's pouring like rain. Again. Over this, over you. So you're not mad at me. That's just GREAT. That's fanastic, because now I know we just went our separate ways? I HATE THIS FEELING, HATE IT. This time there's no controlling it. And my brain hurts thinking about it.

WHY DO I EVEN CARE?
BECAUSE YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND AND NOTHING'S GOING ON AND I FEEL LIKE YOU DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THIS PLANET WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.

I don't even give a damn anymore if you happen to read this.
Oh wait, my mistake.
YOU MOST LIKELY WON'T.

I'm frustrated for no good reason, but angry at someone, something.
I WANT TO KNOW WHY THE HECK I KEEP COMING BACK TO THIS.
MAYBE BECAUSE YOU WERE THE BEST PART OF MY LIFE LAST YEAR?

I feel like I'm shouting at a wall while typing this. And popping balloons and throwing food in the air. And I seriously feel like giving you a SLAP back to REALITY. I don't even know where these emotions are coming from. I want to diss someone. One phone call can make a huge difference in elevating my mood. And all you can do is simply joke about me.

ARE YOU EVEN WORTH ALL THESE TEARS?
FIRST THE POEM RECITAL IN ENGLISH,
THEN BREAKDOWNS AT SCHOOL,
AND NUMEROUS BLOG ENTRIES ALL ABOUT YOU.
you, you, you, YOU.

If I'm just not good enough as a friend for you, I'm sorry.
Yet again, I could be overthinking things and putting things out of hand.
I should be concentrating on homework but NO, I can't.
Because I'm replaying the conversation a friend just told me.
You were all I had left. The very last bit that counted.
I don't want to think I'm wasting time thinking about you but sometimes,
I slip and do think that thinking about you is a nuisance that should fly, AWAY.

I'M A GIRL, YOU'RE A BOY.
I thought you were better than that.

No, I'm not okay.
Even talking about this won't make me feel better.
And I am stressed. And tired. And haven't started studying yet for PE and Socials.
DRAT.

Time passes.
Let it come by faster.
I don't want to think about you anymore.
But that's like saying it won't rain tomorrow.
Tears, put me to sleep.

Restless utopia.