♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

hold me in your arms♣

January 10, 2010 / 4:25 PM

You're this shadow at the back of my mind. Yesterday when I saw one of my friends I immediately thought of you, because both of you had the same hairstyle going on (weird, weird, very weird) with the hat thing positioned like that.. I almost freaked out. After all this time, you'd think I'd gotten over everything that's happened. Apparently not. I need to stop doing this to myself, it's killing me. Maybe even literally. It's hard to study when you have a million things all bunched up in your mind like there's no more room to scream, kick, shout, or yell. My patience seems to wear itself thin over the simplest matters. Sometimes it feels like its easier living as a character in a book because in the end, there's always some kind of definite ending. Why can't the people in books be real too? High school was supposed to be about fun, fun, fun (mixed in with the studying of course) but there's always something out there that brings it down at the same time. I try so hard to convince myself that we're still friends, no matter what, when really it's just this empty void that's wide open. Sure, I can turn my back on you anytime, but there's still that feeling that lingers. Being a kid was easy: wake up, go to school, eat, see your friends, smile, laugh, play, get yourself in trouble a bit, then go home happy. You didn't have to worry about your friends and whatever drama was going on. But now, you do.

Boo to science, I don't want to study it now, maybe later.
Boo to exams, finished social exam notes except for recent section.
Boo to math, 2 sections behind.
Boo to exam week, I just want to live through it and get it over with.

I hate crying. And what's worse is the feeling when you know the tears are about to fall but they don't, and this torrent of emotions engulfs you like a tsunami (sigh, science).