♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

O EMMANUEL.♣

December 12, 2009 / 11:14 PM

It's been a while since I've posted here. And looking down at the list below isn't making me feel proud about my productivity, but I guess things get done in good timing.


Hubby, do you still read this? Hmm. We never got to talk much during summer, or see each other much for that matter. Honestly, all I'm trying to say here buddy is I miss you, and your wacky sense of humour and your blog posts. I was surprised when you stopped posting on your blog and then you just deleted everything completely. There are times when I need to talk to you but when I try to, the words just stop and I don't know what to say. Because all I feel between us is this chasm, this drifting apart that happened without notice. But it happens to everyone, and I shouldn't be thinking about this too much but that's too late to happen.

And there's you, my other friend, the one person who've I've survived elementary with and grown close too like a sister. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know you anymore, there's so much happening in your life I'm just not a part of it anymore. And I think, fret, and worry over this too because I don't want to lose you as a friend, when I've lost others. Each step of the way I thought you'd share it with me, but now I'm several steps behind, sinking into helplessness. We're both busy, live hectic schedules, and try as hard as we can to catch up on things. But ever since school started, it's like you went your way and I went mine, and you left me behind. It's weird, you know, hearing things about you through different people, reading stuff that I dont understand or I just wasn't a part of, being the last person to find out. My reaction would always be why? but then to avoid complications I just dismiss the thought and move on with my happy face. But the feeling that's hiding persists inside, till it explodes like the next earthquake. or tsunami. or whatever natural disaster you wish to compare it too. I feel out of it, like I'm some piece disconnected that's supposed (or used to be?) connected.

I think I've moved on with you. Haha. Maybe. Yeah, I made myself this vow to never look at your profile again, and I've kept it so far.. for the past few days. Putting my heart back on the shelf at the moment. Thank you Song, for listening. and understanding. and for the advice. you know, for everything. I'm really glad we're friends.

You've changed a lot. I don't know what else to say. You take your jokes to a whole new level, and you dont understand when you cross the line. And ever since we had the incident things have been a little weird and not the same between us, but I'm just moving on and doing what I need to do. I cant help but question if our friendship was real enough to be disconnected at times. Question mark? Go for a dozen. But now that I know you better, all I can say is this: lets not bring back the past into this and fly on.

We're not tight but we're friends, you tell me your stuff and I tell you mine. But we don't really hang or talk much and you act like I don't exist and I am just your second chicken bone to run to. Let's play this song by ear.

People say they care but they dont act it. It'd be better if they didn't say it all, because it'd prevent these corrupted feelings from overflowing.

Dear friend i haven't heard from you in ages
i wonder how you're making out
last time we talked i felt the space growing between us
i didn't think you'd go so far
tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking
and does this all make sense to you?

(CHORUS)
it's hard when you dont say anything
when i gave you everything
and still you slip right through my fingers
its hard when you dont say anything
is this how you finish things?
because to me, this doesn't feel like the end.. dear friend

it's not like me to put my trust in somebody
but to you i gave it all
and if you'd asked me i would soften all your falls
but now it's me who's stumbling

tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking?
and does this all make sense to you?

(CHORUS)

- Dear Friend, Marie Digby.

Walking at night is great. No pressure, just the cold air blowing into your face and the silent tud tud of your feet against the salt-crested pavement and the Christmas lights casting shadows on the pavement. It gives you a lot to think about, especially the cracks forming along your bruised heart. But when you have the people that stay and take the time to listen to you, its like all you need are them. They make this world a happier place. People come and go leaving footprints in the sand, but you stayed behind and led me by your hand.