♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

phantom of the opera♣

October 30, 2009 / 7:52 PM

Dang, these are good.

When I feel like I'm at the end of my battle strength, candy helps.
Lately, that's how I've been feeling.
Eventhough I'm physically fine and fully recovered from my fever attack,
the inside's still bruised up a bit, emotionally.

Its kinda hard to talk to you sometimes, eventhough you're my best friend.
There are some things I can tell you, and some things that I can't.
Sometimes, I can't help but feel like you really understand.
We don't even get to talk as much anymore,
because you're always out and doing your thing with other people.
I don't mind, I just wish we could talk more about things,
like how we used to.
I find out what's going in your life through other people, not you. Then I get really surprised because I would have thought you were the one to tell me. And again we always seem to miss each other whenever there's a chance to talk or hang out. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm just really far away from you. I can't even talk to you about my feelings about this. There's so much I want to tell you, so much I want you to know. But you're busy. We all are. I don't think this is a case of super-sensitivity. You know what? I don't even think you're going to read this. Growing up is such a pain.

You're starting to annoy me. That's not a very nice thing to say, but really, you are. We're good friends but sometimes I feel like you're kinda taking advantage of me just because you think I'm smart. Let me tell you something, I'm not. I just try hard, okay. really, thats it. There isnt any special magic formula to this that you need to memorize. you tell me about your problems and I help you out, but when it comes to mine you turn a deaf ear. how am I supposed to feel, loved and to be loved? and there are times when you really frustrate me, aargh. you always but in into my conversation with others, interrupting them. dude, i talked to you before about this, but obviously you seem not to care. i think its pretty simple decorum too, right? you're prolly wondering why i havent spoken much to this week. I have feelings too, and you dont seem to care about them much either. God, please give me patience.

I dont want to be stuck in the middle or get in the mess of things. I have enough to worry about, tyvm. Like eating all this candy .. which is half gone already, SOB. my other half supply is in my locker at school.

Happy Belated Birthday- I know you're not going to read this, but yeah, just felt like typing it down all the same. I miss you, more than you know, because the other side of me thats gone is lost with you. Though our friendship is never going to be the same again, I'm just going to look on the other side of the raimbow with a more optimistic viewpoint. Hopefully, if I ever see you again, we can go back to how we were before. God, I need more courage.

I had to carry our box of non-perishable food items down to Ms.Martin's room, and oh MAN that box was HEAVY. Had to do a few things afterschool with an old friend, AHAHHA it was so much fun because we kept getting interrupted and eating candy. our candy wrappers made such a mess. be proud of me today because I did some english hw, the review lesson for words are important. i did everything but the last exercise (because it involves writing sentences).

it's just too little too late for me to see you again,
when I really, really want to talk with you.

ugh, volunteer tom. morning at 5:30,
killer morning.

P.S. NL, dont worry about your costume- you know I loved it (L)