trampoline symphony

I should be sleeping, but I choose not too :) Yes I'm smart that way♣

September 27, 2009 / 9:43 PM

Kay, I still haven't finished: MATH,
and I am really behind.
Choose to believe it or not,
I'm actually 2 lessons behind.
I KNOW I'M SO SCREWED.

I also still haven't studied: SOCIALS.
Would now be an appropriate time to swear?
NO I THINK NOT BECAUSE SWEARING IS BAD FOR YOU.
tsk tsk. (KIDDING)

Yaay, I am so dead for this week =)
Not only are we getting our countries for Model UN,
our position papers are due this Friday,
which means I have to slave away at night everyday this week researching and using whatever I can find to piece together a position paper that will hopefully sound pretty good and not so bad once the board reads it. I mean, I know its not much of an award, but at least if I don't get an advocacy award I'd really, really, like to get a research paper award. LOL. I don't care if it's not much, I just want to aim for something, you know. ahaha. yes I am weird and proud of it.

School tomorrow.. sigh. another long week ahead of me in just a couple of hours. I know you're guessing it would be healthy for me to go to asleep, but, yeah, I can't. I really enjoy writing here a lot, even if it means I don't get to study for math/socials. Sometimes I honestly just feel like saying screw the subjects. And maybe that's a very different person than what people expect me to be, but its my opinion. I don't think it's fair for people to judge me to be.. who they expect me to be. like my rents, for example. they want me to take fricking IT next year. "art won't support you for your whole life." darnit, I'm not you or your puppets to be played around. I know you want the best for me, but can't you trust me once please? AND CAN I PLEASE HAVE A NORMAL TEENAGE LIFE AND HANG OUT WITH MY AWESOME FRIENDS?

and then there's you. oh, you. the person who was my best friend, but then things changed last year. you know what, if you read this and know that it's you, I just want you to know I miss our old friendship, the one that was really easy and effortless. Yeah, I miss you. Weird to believe eh? eventhough now we're friends, but not so close. but i'm guessing you're prolly not going to read this, because a) i never gave you a link b) you dont really know about this blog either and as i'm typing these words i dont how to feel, except that now i'm pouring out my soul here, and how i felt about stuff last year. you changed last year, and I know I changed too. it felt really weird to be around you, and i felt really excluded from everything. i should have talked to you about it, maybe even tried telling you at the end of the year. but you were always with other people, and I felt left out. it was wrong for me to do this, to keep all these feelings inside and not tell you. and you know, I made so much mistakes last year too, I regret them all. If i had a time machine, I would go back and fix them. I wasnt the good friend to people who were my friends last year- I was on and off. Then I treated one of my best friends badly, and I find it amazing she's still my best friend, after all the things I've done. I treated you badly too- I should have fricking forgotten my pride and shyness and told you everything, from the middle to end. but i've written about this so many times before, it gets kind of tiring writing it out again, you know? lol, and you think i'm a witch, a good one =) honestly, that made me laugh. honesty is the best policy, and i'm learning it the hard way. i should have put more trust in people, I should have done this and that and everything else I could have done. whenever i think of last year, i think of the word TERRIBLE. and now i realize it was all my fault, all my stupid dratted fault. i acted proud and arrogant, i was acting like .. a self-satisfied prig, a jerk. yeah, you wont believe this while reading this, but I really was. I never stood up for myself, I started forming biased opinions about others, especially those who really intimidated me. and its weird, because writing down all my faults in here dont make me feel bad or anything- on the contrary, they're making me feel really better. a person can't change overnight, but a person can change during a lifetime. that's why there's baby steps. fall and stumble, crash and burn. i anonymously follow your blog, because i didnt want you to know it. and you're wondering how i knew you werent feeling really good. well, thats it, your blog. just because we're not as close anymore doesnt mean I care, really. my parents think i'm too soft. whatever. maybe i am a sucker for kindness, but I do know when to drop the line. and the pyshic thing, you know I was totally jokng. i just didnt want to admit it to you then. you know, so yeah. i doubt you'll read this, but if by some random chance of fate you stumble upon it, then.. here you have it. the story of my life, hidden inside. i know no friendship is perfect, and that forever isnt the end of the world- its always the start of a new day. lol, i have no idea how to explain that, but once i figure out a way, i'll let y'all know. phew, that felt really goo. i mean, GOOD :)

i'm feeling so contradictory, but at the same time, I can't help but smile.
tomorrow i'll be starting my photography assignment,
and well.. i cant exactly tell you guys what it IS,
but it does involve taking snapshots of people,
so if I take a candid shot of you,
never fear, it's just nellie-o m'dear (:
and if you dont like the pic i took of you but i do..
well then, ur gonna have to try to find some way to bribe
BUT, good news is i wont put all photos on facebook,
cause some of these will be turned into special projects, hehe.
AGH, the suspense is killing me
- want to tell you guys, but cant cause it'll spoil a lot of suprises :)
plus once i start i wont shut up about it.
oh man, someone PLEASE put duct tape over my mouth.
ahahaha VK- we so have to fulfill that awesome, wel thought of plan :D

i think staying home is good-
it makes you think about things you dont want to think about
and plus you get to snack on a lot of stuff, lol.
SORRY BUT I'M HUNGRY.
nite yo, nah I wont be sleeping but prolly go online for a while.

LJN I MISS TALKING TO YOU,
MESSAGE ME OR SOMETHING.

"And I don't know how you knew but it helped me thanks =)"
hey, that's what friends are for <3

GOOD LUCK FOR STUDENT COUNCIL SPEECHES EVERYONE! (L)