♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

it goes way back♣

July 2, 2009 / 8:21 PM

I noticed I did lots of cleaning up today - I cleaned my room, arranged all the papers and junk and stuff and bags all over my table (yeah, you do not want to share a room with me). and then i deleted a lot of the year old messages in my fb inbox. surprisingly, there was more than I thought there would be. party invitations, private stuff, the mix of things. reread some of them, and it got me thinking. i guess its like, when you reread the stuff you personally write it sounds completely different to you, as if it was a different person who wrote it- not you. some made me laugh, because the chain thing was completely random and full of stuff that just popped out into the open. took me a solid 10 minutes to clear and reread everything out. doing that was kind of like a rerun of the past year... now, my inbox only has the recent stuff I need. yeah, I guess I shouldnt be talking about my fb inbox. I'll shut up now. BUT, I finished this completely amazing good book today- Hunger by Michael Grant. it's the second book in the GONE series. they are flipping awesome. so the next time you're in chapters, you know, just stroll around and ask someone about the book and stuff. and hopefully, with any luck, after reading the summary on back, you'll get it, or borrow it from the library. wow, that previous sentence is a very long illegal run-on sentence. hmmm... yeah. sometimes i dont understand half of what goes on between us. it's like we're on and off or something. or that you only talk to me when you need to, or because you're bored. you're so caught upin other things, i dont want to bother you. but things have changed between us, and i want things to go back to normal. not that normal means anything nowadays. i just wish what happened in the past could not have happened- maybe right now, we'd be better off. i just feel distant from you, thats all. and its weird because i say "i dont care
about you" or "i hate you" but i dont really mean it. but everyone knows that, right? or maybe its just me. or maybe its a mix of things, "the best of both worlds'? ahaha kidding. but yeah. I feel so lost with you. did we only talk because we ranted or talked about ..stuff? lol wow, now even i'm getting confused about this. if i'm just referring to one person, or two. it started out as one, now its two. will it develop to three? i hope not. i'm just going to get more confused meself. circumstances and events happen that lead things to happen, the things you least expect. its like some intervention of fate, or something. more likely God. honestly, sometimes I just want to know what goes on in his head, what he's thinking. i'm not kidding. i'm actually dead serious :I see, i'm not smiling. i mean you fall in love and you get your heart broken in two and then it gets patched up by the next pretty fellow in line and then he breaks it again- and then your poor heart and head suffer so much emotional strain and stuff when things get hopeless and BAM- hello there prince charming, how you doing? like, talk about "perfect" timing. i'm not doubting God or losing faith in him- i'm just ... wondering. pondering. thinking. being curious and inquisitive. asking weird, nonsensical questions. the latter of the .. five. you pick. but yeah. i wish i could sing, and play the guitar. there's this song stuck in my head i'm loving at the moment, and yeah- i just want to play it out before i forget the song. "is this thing an open door, walk right through to something more." woke up at 6:00 today and then headed to the courts at seven. ugh, horrible breakfast. but it went down, luckily. my brother kept aiming the ball at the far corners on purpose, and it really pissed me off because he was acting all high and mighty about it. gosh, sometimes that little boy needs to be brought down a peg or two. but he is good, just overdoing it in a way. and he definitely needs more practice. lol- i compliment him, then criticize him. ironic irony. "you're all the things i'm looking for, everything and so much more." yup song lyrics. then we left at around nine... i was actually tired. we tried playing badminton once we got tired of tennis, but then it was too windy so we eventually gave up and went back to tennis (or more like, my brother hitting far and me 'obediently' going back to pick it up). then for lunch we feasted on yam fries, this chicken thing that had cheese and broccoli in it- YUM-PI, tres marvelous. and soup, cause there was some leftover. and then i spent two freakish hours uploading photos and updating all the ad stuff for dad. it took a long time because stupid facebook wouldnt let me edit the photos and write stuff about it, so I was enraged and pretty flabbergasted, because i didnt expect to spend that much time on it. at least it was easier and much more faster on myspace and twitter. oh dang i need to make a linkedin account. nah, do it tom. or before i sleep tonight, hehe. I wonder if it worked- you never got back to me on that. random thought. "could it be that I am worth it." off to 'work' tom.- wonder what I'm going to do? oh shoot I need to think of where to get volunteer hours for next year :o better start drilling my brain for ideas.

mucho love (L)